Chatterbox
by Myreignofterror
Summary: Who knew that the intelligent, quiet sheep had the biggest mouth in the whole internet? That's not going to end well...
1. Chapter 1: Anonymous

Based on TheCherryOnTop by ohwhatsherface

* * *

"Chatterbox's smug face is smothered all over this post, I swear." Mello growled and took a munch off his chocolate bar for the nth time today. He and Matt were reading Chatterbox's new post, and the blonde didn't seem so content with it.

"Really! How the fuck did they know where I hide my chocolate!? IT'S AS IF THE PERSON IS OMNISCIENT!" He ranted while gnawing on his bar quite loudly. Matt just continued to read the post.

"I wouldn't be surprised if they actually were; Besides, they always know how many chicks I bang per week."

"And guys."

"And guys."

Mello's face was a fuming red, redder than Matt's hair. "Now they're gonna nick all my treats. Again!"

"Ha. I remember when the gossiper pinpointed the last twenty locations of your treats…It was hilarious."

"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO _HELP_ ME!"

The red-head was laughing his ass off to the point where he actually fell backwards and still continued to giggle, tears forming in the corner of his eyes. Mello wasn't as mellow and boiled with anger.

"One day, I will turn all of your insides into outsides." His face darkened in an extremely threatening manner. The corner of his eye glanced at a sweat of fear emitted from Matt.

"Ah, don't please."

The blonde changed his position into a thinking pose. "Hm. There could be a whole array of suspects for the identity of Chatterbox, but we can eventually narrow it down."

"You're trying to find the true identity of CB?" Matt raised an eyebrow. Not even the police could find the true identity of the gossiper due to the fact that they seemed to be very experienced with encryption and how to basically stay anonymous for life.

He stood up to leave. "Ha. CB targets schools all over Japan. What chance do we have seeing them in real life - or better yet in our school? Good luck with tha-"

"Read their profile or I'll tell where you keep your video games."

"CB might have done that already-"

"Your hentai games."

Matt's eyes widened. _'No! Not my poor lolitas!'_

The red-head stared at the blonde in the most serious manner possible. "I'll do it."

Mello's face scrunched in disgust. "You and your porn."

"Worth it!"

"Read their profile. We may get some hints on who this person is."

"M'kay Captain."

Matt's eyes skimmed over the post.

* * *

 **CHATTERBOX'S PROFILE:**

 **Profile Description:**

Hello. My name is Chatterbox and I would like to discuss the most useless news going around various schools in Japan and other information regarding the CIA and other government agencies. Please refer to me as 'they' due to the fact that saying my true gender pronoun would narrow down my identity. All of my information provided is indeed accurate and I shall not ever disclose my sources to you.

 **Likes:** Silence, isolation, challenging puzzles

 **Dislikes:** Noise, Crowds, Easy games (basically the opposite of may likes)

 **Birth Date:** 00/00/0000

 **Hobbies:** Breathing.

 **Lover:** Your mother.

 **Q/A:**

 **Why are you such a Bitchy Blabber Mouth?**

You make it so easy.

 **Where the fuck did you get all of this information from?**

I have my sources.

 **What is your real identity!?**

I am the God of the New World - KIRA! jkjkjkjkjk.

 **…**

"Huh. Whoever it is, they seem to convey themselves pretty decently."

Matt has finished his small reading of Chatterbox and Mello was pacing around the room, thinking ways on how to torment CB. Abruptly, something significant transpired.

 **DING!**

A new post from CB.

"HURRY! HURRY! READ IT, DAMN IT!" Mello exclaimed. CB barely updated; Only once a month. However, this is a new school year, so Chatterbox has been on hiatus during the whole Summer Holiday. Not to mention, they write entries for schools all over Japan. This is a crucial chance to catch them.

They clicked on the post from the section based on their school - Whammy's School for the Gifted. It was also the biggest section out of all of the schools.

…

 **CHATTERBOX'S POST:** Rinse and Repeat

 **Posted on:** 3rd of September

 **Subject:** Oh ho ho! Miss me much?

Bitches, Bitches like me never quit, so here the fuck I am!

(How's that for a re-intro, huh?)

Tomorrow's going to be the day that we are forced to drag ourselves back to hell…Also known as a 'school' (I dunno what they had to put a fancy ring to it. Just call it hell already.)

 **Anyway, everything's pretty much the same:**

\- 69 and Second-Place are still the infamous pranksters and pyromaniacs of the belovéd school.

\- Artsy is as artsy as ever; Creating erotic manga for 69 to buy for a penny or two. Shh! Don't tell her!

\- Irked is still as easily irritated as ever, especially by idiot's cute little antics. I wonder why he had to make Barbie his girlfriend, though. He doesn't seem that happy…In fact, he seems a bit…Homosexual.

\- Idiot is still an idiot.

\- Barbie is planning her big debut as an actor, but she already is fake enough.

\- Sheep's on top of the intellectual food chain, as per usual. Have fun beating him, Second-Place!

\- The teachers are as boring as ever tbh.

Oh, but wanna know something interesting reader? Yeah? Do you?

Of course, you do (you're here for entertainment and blackmail) while I get paid to do my job and spill the beans.

We've got a new teacher, did you know that?

And I'm callin' him L. Don't question it.

Apparently, he's an advanced math teacher. Huh. BORING!

But guess what's not?

The fact that he's a 'former' detective. Hm…I wonder why he's at the school for. Eh; who cares?

 **Also here are the few other new teachers that Irked is gonna be annoyed by (I already gave them nicknames lol):**

\- Delete (Science)

\- Spokeswoman (Drama)

\- The others are pretty uninteresting (yawn).

So yeah. Enjoy the new year, Bitches!

 **Predictions for this school year:**

\- Sheep is still sitting on his throne, proud.

\- L is gonna have a big secret.

\- Barbie and Spokeswoman are gonna have a catfight over Irked

\- Irked is gonna realise soon that he's gonna be happy the gay way (OooOoooOo Maybe L!)

\- 69 is gonna get caught buying artsy's erotic manga

\- Second-Place's gonna have yet another bitch-fit due to the fact that Sheep beat him (again) and would set the school on fire.

\- Delete is gonna be a bitch.

CB OUT!

 **…**

A white-haired boy grinned sinisterly he clicked on the 'post' button.

The deed was done.


	2. Chapter 2: New School Year

"Hello everyone. I am your new advanced maths teacher for this school year. Please, do call me Mr Ryuzaki. " A strange hunched man introduced. The attire he chose wasn't very professional compared to the other staff in the school (even the janitor) - just a plain white crumbled shirt and blue jeans to top it off. He wasn't even wearing any shoes!

His hairstyle was completely the opposite of Yagami's; messier than the blonde chocoholic's room…And don't even talk about Matt's bedroom state!

 _'_ _I don't believe that that's allowed…'_ Near thought to himself as he witnessed the man take a bite of a luxurious slice of cake that was left on his desk for himself.

Then again, the blonde two years older than him was always munching on a chocolate bar and had yet to be punished.

"Today, we will be learning…"

His monotonous voice bored the white-haired boy -despite the fact that his own voice was quite monotonous himself-, but he began to scribble down notes in his notebook.

"This will be a long lesson." He mumbled to himself.

He ranted for what seemed to be years. If Mello was indeed in this class Near was positive that may have a gun pointed to his head due to the fact that he was just so bored.

The next two lessons were quite…something.

* * *

"NO! NO! NO!" Mr Teru growled at Linda as she answered the question incorrectly. He tore out the incorrect page from her science book and the student began to slowly back off.

"A MUTATION IS CAUSED BY A CHANGE IN GENE, NOT FUCKING PROTEIN."

 _'_ _Swearing, huh? This guy has got issues.'_

Near stared at the science teacher as he raged and explained the problem yet again for the nth time. The girl in pigtails began to tear up -and soon enough- she was weeping waterfalls. This event (in turn) only sparked an even larger flame of anger inside the science teacher.

If that was indeed possible.

 _'_ _He's quite similar to a certain irked teacher.'_ The albino scoffed, Mr Yagami stapled in his mind.

* * *

His drama teacher was…'Graceful', his peers described.

Sure, she seemed just as fake as Ms Amane, but there was a lingering feeling of manipulation. For once, Amane seemed more genuine and preferable over whoever really was; Takada, in her case.

"Great!"

"Well done!"

"I'm so impressed!"

Even Ms Amane is intelligent enough to point out a bad act without any hesitation.

Near had French after this, and really wasn't that excited to see Ms Wedy again, but he dragged himself with force towards the classroom.

* * *

It was lunchtime, which meant that Near had to commence the part of his daily routine that he had enjoyed the most.

The white-haired boy was finished with his sandwich that Rester (his caregiver) had made earlier the day.

Instead of being a normal person and heading to a crowded place to socialise, he scrambled towards the boy's bathroom - his normal hang-out area. No-one would find him, and the albino boy adored that advantage. He wasn't really seen as 'normal', anyway. So it doesn't matter.

Near shut the door and locked it, then proceeded to take out his phone and began writing for his infamous blog: Chatterbox.

It wasn't a hard job if you were him; simply blab about various scandals and you get thrown money to your face.

He needed some new Toys, anyway.

Sure, Near was extremely strange in many ways:

\- White hair

\- White PJs

\- The smartest in the school, despite being one of the youngest. (Ha, fuck you, Mello)

\- Extreme silence

\- A thing for toys (not the kinky ones, you little shits)

However, if you ignore those facts, the white-haired boy is merely normal. He's ignored. He's neglected.

And as a consequence, he hears everything. Absolutely _everything_.

Thus, Chatterbox had begun. It was the biggest source of dirt for both schools around Japan and Government agencies.

The ways that get info is quite simple, really. Just put cameras everywhere. Don't ask how he managed to place cameras all over Putin's office, though. Just to say, it was _difficult_.

Near gave nicknames to everyone:

\- 69 was obviously Matt, due to the fact that he had a thing for…Porn.

\- Second-Place is Mello. He just can't beat me at any academic subjects.

\- Artsy is Linda. She is quite innocent but draws erotic manga for Matt because she's broke. Oh, she also has a thing for him too.

\- Delete is Teru Mikami.

\- Spokeswoman is Kyomi Takada.

\- Barbie is Misa Amane. She's doing a really good job at it too.

\- Irked is Yagami. Near was about to name him 'I'm-a-gay', but it would seem a bit obvious. He always gets annoyed, anyway.

\- Idiot is our beloved art teacher - Matsuda. However, he is relatively kind and humble.

\- L is Mr Ryuzaki. Ryu is undoubtedly an alias. He knew from the files in Gevanni's room that the cake lover is the detective Lawliet, also known as L. See what Near did there? He's probably there to investigate the schools one at a time to find the white-haired boy's true identity…Better be careful around him then.

\- Finally, Near's nickname is Sheep. Mello has a tendency to call him that, so why not give it to himself?

The albino continued to write down his entry for a school north in Japan. The cameras that he placed there spoke to him and stated that one of the students there had been the daughter of a drug a drug lord and it distributing the goods around the school anonymously.

"Boring." He yawned.

 **Tap! Tap! Tap!**

Once the student was done, he pressed the 'POST' button once again and was about to pack his belongings to leave, until he heard a few voices enter.

"Hey! Hey! Have you heard?" It was the ever-enthusiastic voice of Matt. Near stood on top of the toilet lid to spot Mello accompanying him. " is gay for !"

Mello's eyes widened, but then after a second, he began to snicker along with his red-head friend.

"Ah, so now his last name makes sense."

"Yeah, they were in Ryu's classroom. Alone. Door locked. Windows and any means to get to the outside world covered. And it was pretty loud there too."

"I must note that down." He muttered to himself, scribbling the information about the event down in the albino's head. Matt was one of the most reliable sources of gossip for Near about this school.

"Isn't it 's first day here, though?"

"Apparently they knew each other from high school. Like they were in a competition with against each other to see who's the smartest."

"Ha. I would never get along with Near." The blonde scoffed, and then bit a piece of chocolate with his teeth and chewed on it.

 _'_ _Same for you too, Mello.'_

Oh, how ironic it would turn out.

"I knew that Yagami was gay, but I never knew that he actually took some action on that. What would Misa think? Hahaha!"

"Threesome it!" Matt suggested, perhaps imagining the scenario in his head. Mello hit him on the back of his head.

 **BANG!**

"What the fuck is up with your mind?" The blonde laughed. His Best Friend shrugged in response.

"Who knows? We should all end up in an asylum if they heard any conversation of ours. I think it would end up as a foursome, though; Ms Takada seems really interested in Yagami."

"Ha."

 **DING! DING! DING!**

"Fuck, it's the bell. We gotta go to class now!"

They both sprinted out of the room. I followed shortly after.

* * *

"Hello. My name is Light Yagami and I'm your new English teacher for the year." He addressed in front of us. We all waved back in response. The teacher came in slightly later than everyone in the class, even Mello beat him to it. This was extremely uncanny compared to his usual early attendance.

His appearance was unlike his normal orderly appearance. Tie slightly loose. Shirt crumpled. Messy hair.

Bruised lips.

See? Matt was indeed a reliable source of information.


End file.
